Welcome to the ShTexaslawyer.com Blog

It is important to every aspect of your life to realize what is in your control, what is in your influence, and what is completely outside of anything you can affect. Why is it important? Because trying to do more than you can is a waste of energy and a source of trouble for you and those around you.

First, you must realize you are in total control of the core you. How you think, the decisions you make, the emotions you follow are all 100% in your control. If you are in a bad mood, you have the power to change it. If you want something, you have the power to satisfy the desire or ignore it. You can give up that control, by deciding to allow another person or circumstance’s influence to control what you feel and think. But in reality you still have the control to think contrary to that influence or to rid yourself of that influence.

After the total control of your inner-self there is the near total control of your existence. There are those who will argue that other’s can manipulate or control you. This is true, but only to the amount you let yourself be controlled or manipulated. We chose to work, we choose to accept the controls placed on us by our jobs. We chose our relationships, and we choose to give up some control to our partner. We choose to have children (or not) and we chose to accept the controls placed on us as parents. Yes, it is true that things outside our control can completely own us. A tornado is an uncontrollable force of nature. If you are caught in one, it controls you. You can only seek to avoid the control of the tornado. The same is true of all the forces which can overtake our self control. We can limit the exposure to these outside forces, but if we are caught in one all control is lost. Now forces like tornadoes are not the same as bad relationships, or being in bad places. If you chose to stay in a bad or dangerous relationship/situation/environment, you are deciding to live with a greater risk of loss of control.

The next level out form ourselves is the environment you exist in, and the relationships you have with others. To an extent, you can exert control over things outside yourself, especially if the subject allows you to do so. You can change your world by creating, destroying and rearranging the physical nature of that environment. The environment does not have the ability to consciously resist you. Your relationships are harder to control. In reality you can only influence your relationships. Since each individual has total inner self control, you can only influence others. They must decide to give into or resist that influence. This is where most relationships run into trouble. If one partner doesn’t like something about the other, there will be a struggle of influence and control. If the partner desiring change cannot accept that all they have is influence, that partner will feel tremendous frustration at not being able to control the other. The effort to control causes resistance, as the non-changing partner fights to maintain control of their inner self. If a compromise or acceptance does not happen, this struggle can become a war. In a relationship war there is no winner.

The farther out from yourself you go, the less control and influence you have. Spouses have tremendous influence on each other, as do parents to children. Brothers and sisters have less control. Friends can have even less control than siblings. Distant friends and relations have little control or influence, and strangers have the least influence of all.

Realizing what is in your control, in your influence, and out of reach allows you to direct your efforts and energies in the most effective way. Avoiding emotional pain in trying to do what you cannot will lead you to better happiness. Realizing what you can control and what you cannot also empowers you to make decisions that make your circumstances as close to what you desire as possible.

Remember, you control you. You decide what you think, what you feel, and how you want to live. Control what you can, be respectful of what is outside your control, and own your life as best you can.

I track the search strings that come through the blog. I have had a number of questions not directly answered, so I am posting this to address those issues. I will try to do a sweep of these topics at least once a month.

Waivers:
I have been asked what happens if your spouse will not sign a waiver of service. I have also been asked by defending spouses happens they refuse to sign a waiver. A waiver's purpose is to prove that the other side knows of the divorce. Waivers should be read closely. The waiver can take away your right to be present at any future hearings, can take away your right to read or sign a decree, and waive the keeping of a record of any court proceedings. If you do not like the waiver presented, ask that it be changed before you sign it. How much you are willing/wanting to waive is up to you. You are not required to sign a waiver. Not signing a waiver usually means your case will be considered a contested divorce. If you do not sign a waiver then the spouse who filed must serve you with a copy of the petition for divorce. That service can be by a uniformed constable, a private process server, certified mail, or other means as allowed under the Texas Rules of Civil Procedure. The important thing is that if a spouse's whereabouts is known, the court wants proof that the spouse has actual knowledge of the divorce suit before it will grant any decrees.

Resisting or Fighting a Divorce
Unfortunately, the best time to fight a divorce from happening is before it is filed. Marriage counseling, changes in behavior, compassion, affection, honesty and all the things that are a part of a good relationship must be used to keep relationship strong. Once one side makes up their mind they want out, you can't really stop them. Marriage is not a life sentence or a prison. The state will not force two people to stay together against the will of one of them. Once the divorce is filed, you can still try to rescue the relationship, that is the only thing that will stop the divorce. Otherwise, all you can fight for is to have a fair division of assets, debts, access to children and responsibilities to children.

Minimizing Delays in a Divorce
Delays in divorces (other than built in timetables under Texas Law) are the result of disagreement. The sooner the parties can agree to a decree, the sooner they can finalize their case. Otherwise, the parties have to wait till their case goes to trial and a judge or jury makes decisions for them. If you are waiting for the other side to take an action before you can go tot the next step, it is usually because they have a hard decision to make. The only way to speed up those decisions is to seek hearings over smaller matters. Those hearing will cost you though. If you are paying an attorney and hourly rate, every hearing is expensive. The best way to keep your divorce moving is communication. Communication between you, your lawyer, the other lawyer, and your spouse. If people are talking, disagreements can be resolved. The sooner the disagreements are resolved, the sooner you can both sign an agreed decree.

Paying for legal services is difficult. It isn’t an expense that most plan for in advance. You can use pre-paid legal services (although the people that call me are often unhappy with the quality of these services). There are legal aid benefits on many employment plans (I have heard complaints of these as well). There are legal services for the needy as well. Many lawyers require cash or checks, some will accept credit cards. Some offices accept payment plans as well. If you use a payment plan, keep in mind that your case could be delayed if you have not paid in full when things are ready to close. It is difficult for a lawyer to collect fees on a closed matter, so often they will delay closing until payment in full is accomplished.

In my offices, we have just set up the ability to accept most major credit cards. I hate the idea of being a part of creating debt for another person, but at least this way more people can get the help they need. If you have been looking at retaining me, but been unsure how you would pay for it, don’t hesitate to call. There may be something that can be worked out that will get you the help you need.

Over the years many of the thoughts I had about divorce have been proven wrong. Perhaps it is due to how I market myself, my gender or some other factor, but what I expected to be the norm isn’t. Contrary to what I would have expected, most of the divorces I have worked have not been a result of infidelity or family violence. Most of them did have children, usually less than nine years old. Most of the cases were brought by women who just wanted to change their lives. Sure, there have been cases where infidelity was the issue; surprisingly it was usually the woman who strayed. Most of the men have not put up a tremendous fight, opting to be as utilitarian about getting it over with as possible. Small possessions have been large issues. I have seen settlements nearly break down over who would get the Christmas lights or a blanket. I have seen people decide to spend thousands of dollars in legal fees to fight over an item that could be replaced several times over for the same price. Despite the ease of copying media, I have seen couples argue for hours over who would get the originals of photographs or DVD’s.

In Texas you don’t have to state a reason for divorce. You can allege the common reasons such as infidelity, abandonment, cruelty, etc. But, you can simply say there has been a breakdown of the relationship that destroys the marriage. One thing the court wants to confirm is that there is no chance of reconciliation. Texas wants to try to preserve marriages. That is why there is a sixty day wait after filing before you can have a final hearing. I used to think this was a ridiculous requirement. Deciding to divorce is hard, the process is painful, and most do not start it lightly. However, one case changed my mind on that. After actions that typically end marriages, after filing for a divorce and getting through an agreed decree at mediation, I have seen a couple come back together and drop the process completely.

Humans are complex, and relationships between them are even more complex. Being a divorce lawyer requires patience, wisdom and patience. I will likely never forget meeting a potential client who had no real complaints of her marriage, had beautiful children, wasn’t particularly upset, but was considering divorce. I stopped the interview, and for the first time in my practice asked her why she wanted to do this if nothing was wrong. She blinked a few times and sat silently. She said she wasn’t happy. I asked if she had tried marriage counseling. She had considered it, but didn’t think he would go. She ended up not signing a contract. I hope she has found comfort and that her marriage is rewarding.

It is likely the worst part of any type of case. You need help, you know it, but it costs too much. This is the same problem faced by patients who need medical care, but can’t afford the service. For the “qualified poor” there are options. Legal Aid services exist in most communities to offer pro bono (free services) or reduced rate services. In criminal actions, if you can prove the need a lawyer will be appointed to help you. But if you are just above the stringent preset levels defining “need” or “poor” it seems like there is little hope.

Doctors and Lawyers are trained professionals who have high overhead costs and lots of education costs. As a result their rates are very high as well. Most wage earners consider $10.00 per hour or more to be good. Lawyers and doctors ask for hourly rates 20 times or more higher than that. The Texas State Bar encourages lawyers to provide reduced rate and pro bono services, but there is no requirement for such, nor is there any incentive. Under the Texas Constitution’s right to work provisions it is likely unconstitutional to require lawyers to provide free services. Even if it passed the constitutional issue, the problem would be who qualifies and how to get those services available for the people just over the poverty level.

Unfortunately there isn’t a real solution to the cost of a lawyer, other than shopping for the best deal. Just like there isn’t much luck in finding cheap medical care. If you need legal assistance and money is a major issue, do not give up. Call around. Rates vary wildly in the Texas market. Just because most are asking for $3,000.00 or more in retainer fees, and billing at $300 an hour or more doesn’t mean they all are. However, be careful in making your choices too. A discount lawyer may give you discount service. Some lawyers will accept payment plans; some will accept credit cards as well.

When looking at choosing a lawyer do the following:

1. Check out the lawyer you are considering at the Texas Bar website (http://www.texasbar.com/). There you can see if there have been grievances or other disciplinary actions against the lawyer you are considering.

2. Ask the lawyer how they bill their time. If they bill by half hour increments, be very wary. A 10 minute phone call will cost you as much as an hour phone call. A 61 minute phone call will cost you the same rate as two hours. What you want is 15 minute increments or less. On my hourly cases I bill in 15 minute increments, and often write off very short calls.

3. Ask the lawyer what are considered as expenses and if they are included in the fee. Many times a lawyer’s fee is only for the time spent working on the case. Filing fees, copies, parking, postage, paper and even supplies can be considered expenses. In my practice I don’t charge for my supplies. Basically I consider if I didn’t get a receipt for it, it isn’t a billable expense.

4. If you are quoted a flat fee, be sure what is included in that flat service. I have heard nightmare stories of pre-paid or flat fee services that never get finished because something was supposedly “unforeseen” and more money is required to finish the task. Also, make sure what constitutes a change that makes your case no longer a flat fee. In my practice, if I quote a flat fee, it only changes if another lawyer gets involved or the other side becomes uncooperative and we have to use third parties to keep the process moving.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for a reduction. Sure, the lawyer won’t like it. The lawyer probably won’t reduce, but if you don’t ask it will never happen. It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally I have people try to negotiate my fee. I don’t resent them for trying. If they are negotiating a submitted bill, then I listen to their reasons and consider their justification.

If you already have a lawyer on an hourly fee based case, be sure to do the following:

1. Keep your own time log. If you have a record of the start and end of all calls, it is easier to verify if the time billed is correct.

2. Ask for at least a monthly bill. It is much easier to negotiate small discrepancies as they arise, than to try to negotiate an entire bill.

3. Try to keep your initiated contact with the lawyer at a minimum. The most common call by a client is the “Status Call”. This is a call where a client just what’s to know what is going on. These calls are usually very short, often less than three minutes. If you are being billed $300 per hour, at a half hour rate, that “what’s up” call could cost you $150.00! Now, sometimes it is true that if you don’t call, they may not push as hard as they should. Making these types of calls is a balancing act, if you have a lazy lawyer. If they aren’t working, and you have to make these types of calls repeatedly to get action, don’t be afraid to ask for a waiver of the cost of the call. You shouldn’t be the one driving all their effort.