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This link will take you to an outside link to CNN. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2008/12/29/intv.gardere.bad.marriage.cnn

Essentially, the article is about what I've seen myself and noted to colleagues. Couples who had been considering divorce cannot. The reasons are a mix of not being able to support themselves on separate incomes, or not being able to afford the costs of divorce. I have had a lot of calls in the last few months of people interested in divorce, but none have been able or willing to afford the costs, even when I was offering a reduced rate through December 24th.

Times are tough, If you are in an intolerable marriage feel free to call and we can see what we can do to help you. If you have decided to stick it out together, I honestly and earnestly wish you the best. Perhaps sticking together through this economically trying time will give you strength to stay together through other tough times.

Best wishes to us all.

If you are planning a fresh start in 2009, and that start includes being out of a marriage, there are some important dates for you to know.

Before I go on, for some readers this will sound like a terrible thing to discuss. For those not in a bad situation planning in advance for a divorce sounds wrong. Openly letting people know the dates they need to keep in mind sounds equally sad. However, the point of this post isn't to encourage a divorce, it is to let those who know a divorce is what they need, time to plan accordingly.

If you want a Texas divorce finalized before January 1, 2009, you have to have your petition filed before November 1, 2008. There is a sixty day waiting period, so any divorce filed after November first will automatically not be heard until 2009. If you want to be sure it is finished before January 1, 2009, then you should plan to file in advance. Allowing one week of preparation time for the attorney, and two weeks for court vacations or closings puts your deadline at October 11, 2008.

So, if you have already resolved yourself to a divorce, and you want it completed before January 1, 2009, I recommend you have retained your attorney and started the process before October 11, 2008.

A default Judgment occurs when a party fails to answer a lawsuit, or fails to appear at a hearing. There are steps that can be taken immediately after a default judgment is granted to seek a new trial or to undo the judgment. IF YOU HAVE HAD A DEFAULT JUDGMENT GRANTED AGAINST YOU, CALL AN ATTORNEY NOW! The procedures are very technical.

Default judgments can occur in any type of civil case. This counts for injury cases and divorces.

A default judgment is much like a forfeit in a sporting event. A default judgment presumes all parties are aware of the event, but that one party does not show up. The court (like a referee) declares the party who showed up the winner. In many default judgments, the party who shows up can get almost anything they have asked for granted to them.

There are requirements before a court can grant a default judgment. The court must be convinced that the other party was aware of the case and the hearing. Depending where you are in the process, this can mean that you can show good service of a petition (the document that starts the lawsuit) on the defendant and the passage of the required time to answer. If there was an answer, you have to be able to prove to the court the other side had actual notice of the hearing (such as a returned, signed green card on a certified letter. the notice had to be received by the other party before the deadline required for giving notice of that type of hearing. State and local rules may apply to what time period is required on certain types of hearings.

If you can show the court that the other person actually knew of the court date, that the other side had the required amount of time or more to respond or appear, and if your court papers are in proper form, the judge can enter a default judgment in your favor. For the judge to do this, you usually need to have an order pre-prepared for the hearing with what you are seeking out of the hearing stated in the order. If you are seeking matters not originally plead for in the previous filings, the court may not grant what you seek (after all, that would mean the judge was granting matters the other side wouldn't be aware of since you had never filed that with the court or the other side before).

Just because you get a default judgment doesn't mean the case is over. Once the required amount of time has passed, if the other side has done nothing about the judgment, then the default judgment is final. A final judgment from a default order is just as enforceable as any other order.

TheWiktionary defines a chump as a gullible person; a sucker; someone easily taken advantage of; the target of a scam. Chumps don’t always realize they are chumps. They may think they are being polite, or that they are pleasing others, but when a person lets themselves be hurt (especially over a prolonged period) they are being a chump. Unfortunately many spouses are chumps. It starts as an effort to keep the peace in a relationship, and it grows to a point where one spouse has anything and everything they want, while the other is “long suffering.” Sure, there is a value in being forgiving, in being patient, in being selfless, but there comes a point where the chump can’t take it anymore.

If the couple is lucky, that point comes while things can still be salvaged. Many times it comes at a point where the dominant spouse has already lost all respect for the chump, and the chump is ready to fight. In that circumstance, the chump starts defining boundaries, demanding better treatment, and standing up for themselves, while the former dominant spouse doesn’t have an interest in change. Change means giving up the cushy life the dominate spouse enjoyed. It means being respectful of the needs o the former chump when the once dominant spouse no longer feels any respect for the chump. Whenever the chump is ready to fight back, the couple should involve a counselor if they want to be productive.

Most divorces that I see are from former chumps who decided they wouldn’t take it anymore. Some have tried to fix the relationship; some have simply decided that it wasn’t worth saving. I may do divorce work, but I don’t find pleasure in divorces. Divorces are sad for everyone involved. Divorces are a funeral for dreams (no matter how long ago those dreams may have died).

If you think you are a chump, get professional counseling help before you fight back. It is possible to reassert yourself and still save a marriage. If the once dominant spouse refuses to attend counseling, you should still consider going. It is better to have the opinion of a relationship expert than it is to do it all alone. If you decide that there is nothing to salvage then hire a lawyer to assist with the divorce.

Most chumps don’t want a divorce. It was the desire to preserve the marriage that got them into the position they are in. Most chumps will start to fight back numerous times and fall back into their chump behavior because of their desire to preserve the relationship. One day though, almost all chumps decide they have had enough.

Don’t think that the dominant spouse will ever come to their senses on their own. It is against character for a spouse that is willing to take those kinds of advantages to change. They will only change if there is professional help or if they still value the relationship.

Whatever you do as a chump, don’t become passive aggressive in the relationship. That kind of behavior is never helpful. Passive aggressive behavior is lightly explained herehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior. I would never claim to be a psychologist, and recommend you seek professional assistance to understand passive aggressive behavior.

If you think you’re a relationship chump, get help. It’s not a pleasant realization, and you have a lot of work ahead of you if you want to fix it. If it’s not fixable… then call a divorce lawyer.

Its seems easy enough, but you might be surprised how many time the communications of what a client wants and what the attorney thinks the client wants get blurred. Attorneys get used to clients wanting essentially the same things out their cases. Sometimes a client has a particular desire that isn’t the norm. In those cases, the client may think the desires are clearly stated, while the Attorney may not know. It can be as simple a situation of you wanting to simply get an advisory opinion, while the attorney thinks you want someone to take over the case, to what you are really wanting to accomplish. For example, there was a lady I heard of once who was actually filing a divorce with no intention of finishing it. She was making a point to her husband, a very passive aggressive and dangerous point. She never communicated to her lawyers or her husband that she was doing this as a threat. Frankly, if she had, no attorney would have taken the case. That’s just wrong. It wasn’t until the case started moving into high gear that she told people that she didn’t want to finish it. A lot of damage was underway and luckily was stopped before she had spent a lot of their money on attorney’s fees. I never heard how it worked out for her. I hope her very dangerous threat didn’t cause irreparable harm to her marriage. But, if she had been clear as to exactly what she wanted to do, things would have gone very different.

For more on divorce information, search this blog or visit my main site at http://www.shtexaslawyer.com/divorcesupportandcustody.php.

I often get calls from people who are anxious about what is happening in their divorce, and want guidance. At some point they will tell me their spouse is using an online legal forms service. Of course I don't like these do-it-yourself kits. It is a form of competition. But my dislike of the form sites goes beyond competition alone.

The reason people use these sites vary from costs, to unfounded fears, to a spouse trying to avoid involving a lawyer who might educate the other side of rights they have. Sure, if a person is capable of filling out the forms, they can very likely make a presentable decree to a judge. However, most people have some serious questions about what their rights are. The forms cannot answer these questions. Also, many time the parties have an agreement that doesn't fit the standard form. A lawyer can determine if the agreement is something the court would ultimately approve, and figure out a way to word the language of the agreement into the form. The worst situation is when one spouse wants to use the forms to take advantage of the other.

Almost always, one side is more savvy to what is going on in a divorce than the other. The one with the knowledge has the power to direct what will happen in the divorce. If a strong willed, highly educated spouse is drafting the documents to deliver to a less strong willed and less educated spouse, the intimidation factor becomes a tool to get what the educated spouse wants. The educated spouse uses the fear of outrageous costs and prolonged litigation to deter the less educated spouse from consulting a lawyer.

Just because you consult a lawyer does not mean that your divorce has to take longer, or be extremely more expensive. It will be more expensive than not hiring a lawyer, but you are more likely to get a decree you are able to live with than otherwise. If you have a wise and competent lawyer, they should be able to help negotiate a resolution without the matter requiring extensive litigation. If the matter cannot be resolved without extensive litigation, then it was going to be difficult no matter what.

Over the years many of the thoughts I had about divorce have been proven wrong. Perhaps it is due to how I market myself, my gender or some other factor, but what I expected to be the norm isn’t. Contrary to what I would have expected, most of the divorces I have worked have not been a result of infidelity or family violence. Most of them did have children, usually less than nine years old. Most of the cases were brought by women who just wanted to change their lives. Sure, there have been cases where infidelity was the issue; surprisingly it was usually the woman who strayed. Most of the men have not put up a tremendous fight, opting to be as utilitarian about getting it over with as possible. Small possessions have been large issues. I have seen settlements nearly break down over who would get the Christmas lights or a blanket. I have seen people decide to spend thousands of dollars in legal fees to fight over an item that could be replaced several times over for the same price. Despite the ease of copying media, I have seen couples argue for hours over who would get the originals of photographs or DVD’s.

In Texas you don’t have to state a reason for divorce. You can allege the common reasons such as infidelity, abandonment, cruelty, etc. But, you can simply say there has been a breakdown of the relationship that destroys the marriage. One thing the court wants to confirm is that there is no chance of reconciliation. Texas wants to try to preserve marriages. That is why there is a sixty day wait after filing before you can have a final hearing. I used to think this was a ridiculous requirement. Deciding to divorce is hard, the process is painful, and most do not start it lightly. However, one case changed my mind on that. After actions that typically end marriages, after filing for a divorce and getting through an agreed decree at mediation, I have seen a couple come back together and drop the process completely.

Humans are complex, and relationships between them are even more complex. Being a divorce lawyer requires patience, wisdom and patience. I will likely never forget meeting a potential client who had no real complaints of her marriage, had beautiful children, wasn’t particularly upset, but was considering divorce. I stopped the interview, and for the first time in my practice asked her why she wanted to do this if nothing was wrong. She blinked a few times and sat silently. She said she wasn’t happy. I asked if she had tried marriage counseling. She had considered it, but didn’t think he would go. She ended up not signing a contract. I hope she has found comfort and that her marriage is rewarding.

Checking the statistics, it seems a lot of folks are coming by the blog looking for answers. The search strings are close to content I've already developed, but not always a direct match. If you have come to this site looking for answers to a specific question, and didn't find what you were looking for, send me an email ( showard@shtexaslawyer.com), give me a call (817-803-3898) or make a comment. I will get to you as soon as I can.

NOTE: IF YOUR QUESTION IS SENSITIVE IN NATURE, AND NOT GENERAL, DO NOT USE A COMMENT TO THIS BLOG. CALL OR WRITE, SO WE CAN PROTECT YOUR PRIVACY.

I am sorry, I wrote a post on what to expect, and never answered this burning question.

If you have everything done except your decree, and your spouse just won't sign off on any agreement, no matter how many drafts or compromises you make, the only thing left to do is to force a hearing. Set a trial date, give proper notice, and take your case to the judge or a jury. They will make a decision for him or her. your spouse cannot hold you hostage by not acting on your desire to move on.

If you are in that situation, I highly recommend hiring a lawyer. The worst thing that could happen would be for you to show up for trial without a lawyer, and see a suited warrior sitting beside your spouse.

This article presumes you have already made the difficult decision to divorce. Now that you have decided, where does it start, and how will it end? The first thing I want to point out is that the TV movie cliché of a woman wanting a divorce she can’t get because the husband won’t sign the papers is a myth. At least in Texas it is a myth. If one spouse wants the divorce, there is nothing the other spouse can do to prevent it. All the spouse who is resisting the divorce can do is to delay the process.

So, what happens first? A divorce starts with the filing of an Original Petition for Divorce with a court. I have some clients who get surprised that they have to actually file a suit to get a divorce, but it is true in Texas. The filing of the divorce petition is critical because it starts the clock. There is a sixty day waiting period in Texas. You cannot get a hearing to finalize the divorce until sixty days have passed since you filed. This issue can be a problem for some, who are in a hurry for various reasons. It is best to know this time limitation in advance, if you have planning to do.

Before you file the lawsuit, you need to decide if you want to hire a lawyer or not. Sure, there are a lot of self-help forms available. But, the forms work best for couples without complications. If there is something quirky about your circumstances, you are definitely best to hire a lawyer at the start. Hiring a lawyer doesn’t mean you want to have difficult divorce, or a punishing divorce, it just means you realize that things will be smoother with the assistance of an expert.

Now I have to make some comment about choosing a family lawyer. I practice family law, I have done lots of family law work, but I don’t like being called a divorce lawyer or a family lawyer. Why? Because in my opinion there are a lot of family lawyers that I don’t respect. When people need a divorce, they need frank advice, they need it wrapped up quickly, and they don’t need extra fighting or large costs. There are lawyers out there who live for the confrontation. The more you and your spouse fight through the divorce, the more fees they collect. In my opinion a family lawyer should be willing to fight any issue the client wants, but the lawyer should make sure the client understands what that fight will cost them. There is no sense spending thousands of dollars to fight over a TV or dishes when the cost of fighting will be more than the item. Be sure if you are interviewing lawyers that you get a good feeling from the lawyer, that you trust the lawyer, and that the lawyer is always up front about the costs of what you want to do.

If you are not going to use a lawyer, be prepared for a lot of confusing paperwork. The documents relied upon by the court have to meet certain requirements. Many decrees with children can be twenty or thirty pages long. If the paperwork doesn’t satisfy the judge, you will not get a signed decree. Also, be sure to get a good script for closing your case. There is specific testimony that has to be heard by the judge before he can sign your decree. If you have a lawyer, these matters are of no concern to you.

After you file the divorce, the next step is proving your spouse is aware of the suit. You have the choice to serve a copy on the spouse, or to have the spouse sign a waiver. In cases where the divorcing spouse has reason to fear the other, waiver is usually not going to work. If the spouse refuses to sign a waiver, then you have no choice but to serve them. Otherwise you cannot move to the next step.

After your spouse has been served, there is another timer. The responding spouse has a time limit to file an answer to the petition. If the spouse does not answer in that time period, you can seek a default judgment. It is much like winning by forfeit. If you are seeking a default judgment, the court will want proof the other spouse knows the suit exists. The court will not grant a divorce where the other spouse doesn’t know what is going on. With one specific exception, when a spouse has disappeared.

Just because your spouse abandoned you, or disappeared and cannot be found, does not mean you cannot still get a divorce. There are procedures for serving missing persons to the satisfaction of a court. If you have this particular problem, I recommend you hire an attorney to make it as painless as possible.

Once you have satisfied the filing and service requirements, the really hard part starts. The court will not grant a partial divorce. You must have answers as to how;

To divide the assets
To divide the debts
To allocate taxes
Provide health care for kids (if any)
Provide custody of the kids (if any)
Provide support for the kids (if any)

If you don’t have an answer for these or possible subsequent questions in specific cases, the court will not sign your decree. If you want a non-contested divorce, you both have to come to an agreement on these matters and sign a decree. If you cannot agree, you may be ordered to mediation. If no agreement can be made in mediation, your case will go to trial in front of a judge or jury.

In the end, you will get your divorce, one way or another, either by agreement or a judgment in court. The process can be as short as 61 days, or it can take years. Beyond these general considerations, there are a host of special matters that can come up. Such as pregnancy during divorce, bankruptcy, retirement funds, transfer of title to real or personal property, etc. Each of these matters are very specific points left better to a detailed analysis, rather than a general overview such as this.